This section was a long time in coming. Time for a long-needed and more fair comparison of a supposedly objective Internet wrestling editorialist... not with the resident sports-basher of an ultra-conservative tabloid, but with one of the darker boils on the butt of pop culture...

Eminem: Loudmouthed, foul minded rap singer, more infamous of late for the outrageous acts and statements he makes in his songs, than for the actual songs themselves.

Alfred "Fritz" Capp: Loudmouthed, foul minded online journalist, more infamous of late for the outrageous statements he makes in his columns, than for the actual columns themselves.

Eminem: Used homophobic slurs to bash Insane Clown Posse, Backstreet Boys and *NSync in his lyrics. Eminem's impetus in attacking ICP, BSB and *NSync in this manner? Their very existence.

Alfred "Fritz" Capp: Used homophobic slurs to bash this author when falsely accusing him of granting oral "favors" to 1wrestling.com's Dave Scherer. Capp's impetus in attacking this author in this manner? My very existence.

Eminem: Mentioned veteran Detroit underground rapper Esham The Unholy positively in lyrics on Eminem's first CD, then dissed Esham in lyrics on his second CD. (Esham responded by referring to Eminem as "bitch-ass Skittles" in a Murder Dog interview last fall.)

Alfred "Fritz" Capp: Defended Phil Varlese of WrestlingGuys.com when I razzed Phil over the now-legendary premature ECW Press Conference news item that came up the weekend after ECW's last show to date, then bashed Phil's show (and by extension, him) in a column two months later for the "crime" of continuing to cover NWA New Jersey on their show and homepage. (Phil responded by rebutting Capp's statements in an installment of his column "Smack This" by describing him as a bitter old man.)

Eminem: Bashes his own fans in his song "The Way I Am".

Alfred "Fritz" Capp: Bashes total strangers on message boards despite claiming that he has no time for "internet punks".

Eminem: Claimed, in his song "I'm Just Marshall Mathers", to have chased ICP members Joseph Bruce (Violent J) and Joseph Ulster (Shaggy 2 Dope) out of a Detroit nightclub and fired paintballs at their departing vehicle. (J and Shaggy debunked these claims - and brought up a lot more dirt on Eminem - in "Ain't Nothing But A Bitch Thang")

Alfred "Fritz" Capp: Has claimed in several columns that Paul Heyman has been keeping money from ECW's coffers for himself rather than pay his employees or bills. Capp has yet to post tangible proof of this claim. (Paul E., ever a man ahead of his time, debunked this claim when publicly stated at last year's Cyberslam fan convention Q&A that every dollar ECW makes goes back into the company... and also told that ECW was actually paying money to TNN for the airtime!).

Eminem: Referred to teen pop diva Britney Spears as "a retarded bitch" in "I'm Just Marshall Mathers", then later publicly asked fans through his website to return a lost notebook full of his lyrics that happened to have a Britney Spears sticker on the front cover.

Alfred "Fritz" Capp: Appeared on Phil Varlese's "Wrestling Guys" program twice despite having bashed the program in his column.

Eminem: In danger of becoming the next Vanilla Ice.**

Alfred "Fritz" Capp: In danger of becoming one of the "Internet punks" that he goes out of his way to bash.

Will the Real Slim Shady please stand up? Or better yet, will the Real Slim Shady please shut up?

I've been a fan of rap music since the days of "Rapper's Delight", and I've been part of the Internet Wrestling Media since 1997. Right now, I don't know what I miss more, the days when the hip-hop scene was dominated by conscious rap artists like KRS-One, Public Enemy, and X-Clan, or when the Internet Wrestling Media wasn't clogged with a bunch of juvenile idiots more concerned with page hits and girlie pictures than accurate news and responsible journalism.

I'm no fan of Eminem's (as longtime readers of Breaking Kayfabe are well aware of), and wasn't crazy about the fact that he got an Album Of The Year nomination for his recent, marginal CD while albums in the same genre that are considered classics were passed over by the same Grammy committee.*

By that same token, I find it disappointing that someone who is married and has a child, like Alfred "Fritz" Capp, is acting like the very "internet punks" that he despises. 

Anarchy and Peace, 
CJ Marsicano "The Webmaster Of Extreme"  
cj@cjmarsicano.com  
http://www.cjmarsicano.com  

* Dr. Dre has been telling the press since the Grammys that "we was robbed" when Eminem lost to Steely Dan. He's half right - he was robbed, but only because neither N.W.A.'s Efil4zaggin nor his own solo debut The Chronic were ever considered at all to be worthy of Album Of The Year nomination by NARAS. 
** Irony: Vanilla Ice did a quick guest spot on ICP's "If I" from Bizaar/Bizaar, completing the couplet "If I were Vanilla Ice I'd say/'Fuck y'all, I'm still paid!'". Then again, he was never sued by his mother (twice) or had public marital problems with his wife like Eminem. 

©2001 CJ Marsicano.