L. Brent Bozell, that noted professional liar whose political views place him on the political spectrum somewhere between Pat Buchanan and Adolph Hitler, is apparently no longer content with criticizing just WWF's broadcast programming. With Christmas around the corner, this Religious Right Grinch's newest WWF-related target has been sighted, and it is the Mick Foley/Jerry Lawler book Christmas Chaos (ReganBooks/HarperCollins).

Bozell is apparently so disgusted by the fact that not only has the WWF not gone away, but has given him and his political action group, the Media Research Center (which his supposed Parents Television Council is a front group for), what they truly deserve (a lawsuit - see "Finally! Some Political Satisfaction!"), that he has seen fit to tear apart Foley's new literary work piece by piece.

Now, unless Bozell or one of his lackeys at the MRC is adept at shoplifting - especially considering that the book's dimensions would make it rather hard to slip under a shirt or jacket - the MRC obviously had to pay their $20 to buy a copy of Foley's book so that Bozell could "review" it, because I highly doubt that HarperCollins/ReganBooks would even bother to put someone like Bozell on their publicity list. I wouldn't be surprised if Bozell had a problem with giving $20 to a Barnes & Noble or Borders - two bookstores that fully support freedom of speech, where one could easily buy once-banned (and still banned in some ignorant parts of the country) books like The Autobiography Of Malcolm X, Huckleberry Finn, The Diary Of Anne Frank, Naked Lunch, and Fortunate Son - in the first place.

Never mind that Foley wrote the book after having been inspired to do so by a young burn victim he had befriended named Antonio Freitas, who had embraced Foley as a hero because, as Mankind, Foley wore a mask, therefore Antonio did not mind having to wear a specially-made medical face mask to protect the burned areas of his head from infection. Never mind that Foley not only dedicated the book to Antonio, but also made the young boy - or rather a letter attributed to him and sent to Santa Claus - an important part of the story. Never mind that Foley, Lawler, and ReganBooks are donating proceeds from the book to the Shriners Hospital For Children, described on Christmas Chaos' copyright page as "a network of twenty-two hospitals that provide expert, no cost orthopedic and burn care to children under eighteen."

No, in L. Brent Bozell's view, it would be better if this book didn't exist because it was written by a WWF superstar, illustrated by another WWF superstar, and depicts some other WWF superstars, albeit briefly, in the book itself.

In Bozell's eyes, the naked elf that runs rampant early on in the book has "his private parts (barely) hidden". He must have a totally different edition of the book than I have - and I have a first edition copy.

Bozell complains that one of the children depicted in the department store scene in the book has a Chyna doll on her Christmas list, which in his eyes is a travesty because Chyna posed for Playboy earlier this year. Apparently, Bozell failed to realize that Foley and Lawler worked on the book over a year ago, before the possibility of Chyna being in Playboy was even dreamed of. He also complains of visual references to Stone Cold Steve Austin in the same scene, because Austin's character "mocks religion" (paraphrase). Gee, I didn't know that an ad-libbed catchphrase from five years ago parodying the oft-seen John 3:16 (that caught on like wildfire without anyone even planning on it) counted as a "mockery" of religion.

He claims that there are numerous plugs for WWF merchandise in the book - not true, unless a copy of a WWF Shopzone catalog happened to have been slipped into his copy. In reality, the department store scene has some general WWF toys written on the kids' Christmas lists, but you have to look to see them.

There is also a reference to the elves, after reconciling with Santa, making amongst all the toys, "the Al Snow dolls that all the stores had banned" near the end of the book. Now, part of this, along with the line "one kid asked for Al Snow's Best Matches, though no such tape existed", is a continuation of Mick and Al Snow's continuing backstage signifying sessions, but it's also a telling comment on how Wal-Mart had banned Al's action figure from their store shelves.

(Hm, come to think of it, Wal-Mart also banned Christmas Chaos from their store shelves… one has to wonder if they banned it because of the reference to "the Al Snow dolls that all the stores had banned", not unlike when Wal-Mart banned Sheryl Crow's eponymous second album because of the line in "Love Is A Good Thing" criticizing Wal-Mart for selling guns.)

God forbid that L. Brent Bozell doesn't see the humor in the book. Hell, he doesn't see the humor in WWF programming to begin with, so I'm not surprised.

Bozell's unjustified and ignorant remarks of Mick Foley's Christmas book aren't much different from when Jerry Falwell tried to "out" one of the Teletubbies (of all things… I'm surprised Bert and Ernie from Sesame Street weren't on Falwell's homophobic shitlist as well!), and it's another example of how far off the reality scale Bozell and the likes of him are.

No matter. In a few months, Bozell will have something more important to worry about than the content of Mick Foley's book. Or even the content of WWF Smackdown, or any other television program.

He'll have to worry about losing his ass in the WWF vs. Bozell et al. lawsuit.

It'll be just as much, if not more, of a happy ending than the one in Mick Foley's Christmas Chaos.

(AUTHOR'S NOTE: Before I conclude this article, I have to apologize to the Grinch. Unlike our longtime furry green friend, I don't see Bozell's heart growing three sizes on Christmas Eve unless a fatal heart attack comes immediately afterward.)

Anarchy and peace, 
CJ Marsicano "The Webmaster Of Extreme" 
cj@cjmarsicano.com  
www.cjmarsicano.com / www.wrestlingbytes.com / www.proj-ex.net